Chapter 3
Highlands of Papua
New Guinea
January 1975
Three Days Later
A forgiving
light glowed in the background of her dream, the kind of light spread with warmth
and fulfillment across her most sheltered emotions. She was contented in this
realm and it was here she searched for an answer to an uncertain question, a
haunting question drifting without an answer for almost six years. Somewhere in
the discolored light of her dream her life’s desires and her faith met at a confused
crossroads, each branch demanding a separate path, opposing choices. She wanted
both, needed both, but only one could be served at a time. Somewhere outside
her dream, she chose her faith, less so because she wanted to, but more so because
it was the right choice to make, understanding and hoping beyond all
expectation by doing so, what her life desired would, with God’s blessing, in
time find its path to fulfillment.
Love is a complicated emotion to
walk away from. Yet, she had no choice, really, and by taking up her cross she
left the only man she had ever loved, the only man who had ever meant as much
to her as her love for God. Even so, recognizing she had made the right choice,
an empty heart felt far too often alone, and when her hollowness of spirit threatened
to overwhelm her, it was in her dreams she found refuge. Always just before she
awoke, during the last remaining moments of her deep sleep, is when her dream,
at its most vivid, became as though it was real.
At first those dreams left her
confused, but as they reoccurred, she began to believe God gave her those visions
of the subconscious to carry her forward toward new challenges not yet played
out, a new castle of sorts, but one where she still experienced unfulfilled
hope. At times she felt torn apart, confused, troubled by the intimate nature
of those dreams. They seemed so real, they were in her sleep, and, somewhat
unashamedly, she never desired to awaken from them. Within this castle of lost
desires where she was now living, she saw the face of the man she loved. A face
overflowing with loss and one seeking redemption. Within her heart the residual
warmth glowing from the dream tugged at her desires to return to him. It was a lingering
theatrical performance, one that recreated their last night together, a night
she could not forget for its beauty, but a night marred by a mistake of passion.
In her dreams that passion was beautiful, yet a beauty she could not allow to
rule her life.
Her dream always ended the same way.
She would turn from her love, walk away, and watch his image fade into the void.
Each time, as it was with this dream, from across the distance she would be
engulfed by children of dark skin running and laughing replacing the void
within her heart with their love. Only this time, this dream, was different.
As they danced around her a deep roar
encroached around them drowning out all other sound and they stopped dancing to
search toward the sky. She raised her hand to shade her eyes from the searing light
and gazed skyward. Then a rush filled her dream and she reluctantly opened her
eyes to abruptly awaken with blurry vision into a world where a real sunbeam
drifted into her room. Outside she heard,
“Balus! Balus!”
Not yet fully awake, her eyes
focused on her surroundings and she heard the village children shouting from across
the dusty compound as they scampered about and laughed with a glee born from
anticipation. It took a moment for Sharon to filter back into reality, to bring
the sounds and sights around her into focus, her conscious senses searching to resolve
what was real from what was not. Shifting her eyes left and right she
recognized surrounding her were the thatched walls of a small bungalow and the
sounds that filled the area seemed foreign and unfamiliar in her half-awake
state. A temperate breeze caressed her shoulders slightly lifting her sleep-tasseled
hair off her face. She shifted her eyes and focused on the sunlight filtering through
small gaps in the walls illuminating the suspended dust particles hovering in
the air throughout the room. Then, again the roar filled the room as it passed
overhead and she finally recognized it as an airplane, “Balus,” she said softly
before sitting upright with a jolt. “Balus! Oh my, I’ve over slept.”
 |
| Internet Stock Photo |
She, with a quick swipe, threw her light blanket to one side and rolled to a standing position in one fluid motion, much too quickly as the blood rushed from her brain causing her to become light headed. She just as quickly plopped down on the edge of her small bed with a pronounced jolt and caught her breath.
Sharon was an attractive, twenty-seven-year
old woman, who stood a tallish five foot seven with shoulder length sun
bleached blond hair that at the moment was unkempt and plagued with the dreaded
bed-head look. She still retained an athletic, girlish figure and her once fair
skin now tanned from time in the field glowed with a soft brown natural tint in
the morning half-light filtering into her bungalow. She took a couple of long
breaths to regain a sense of equilibrium. After a third breath she sighed, “Oh
my,” again and shook her head trying to shake loose of the sleep. She looked
across the small room toward another smaller unmade bed that was empty except
for a tossed pillow and a crumpled light blanket. Outside in the compound dark
skinned children were running and older adults were hustling behind them trying
to keep up.
The children’s mothers were adorned
in bright cotton pattern wraps, some red, some blue, along with a few green and
white patterns. A few men tagged along
with them most wearing a tattered T-shirt and shorts of various styles and
condition.
Her mind finally cleared so she now
realized that she was not really alone with the man of which she was dreaming,
she was here in the Highlands of New Guinea where she had been for over five years.
One barefoot eight-year-old village
boy with skinny legs and wearing a Chicago Bulls T-shirt tucked into a too
large cutoff pair of shorts stopped outside the entrance and excitedly waved at
Sharon while shouting, “Balus…Balus!” and pointed toward the sky, then rejoined
the mob of other children as they ran toward the edge of the village. Having
lived amongst these people in the Highlands she understood much of the tok
pisin, or Melanesian Pidgin English that most of the inhabitants spoke. Language
just came natural to her. Balus meant airplane and for a third time the balus
flew low over the compound spawning even more excitement in the children. She
shook her head and took another deep breath. “I’m running late and Ian’s
early,” she mumbled half aloud to herself.
She found
the excitement in the village children intoxicating when Ian flew his twin
engine Cessna 310 into the makeshift airstrip painstakingly hacked out of the
jungle. Actually, it was a reclaimed airstrip that had been hurriedly built during
World War II and then abandoned and overgrown after the war ended. Scattered
around the hills were several rusting hulks of Japanese and Allied aircraft along
with assorted rusted equipment from that era, abandoned and left to rot. In thirty
years, the tropics will account for a great deal of natural reclamation, but
with the help of government agencies and the local peoples, it was cleared and
given new life. This tiny airstrip offered a great opportunity to make and
maintain contact with the indigenous peoples of the Highlands. Doctors and
educators used it mostly, most of them associated with mission’s work with a
few connected with other faith-based organizations from around the world. Normally,
Sharon would run with the children to greet the airplane, but not on this day. Too
much to do, especially now having over slept.
“I should have finished packing
last night,” she chastised herself as she rose again, more slowly this time,
and walked in her bare feet toward the door of the bungalow. Across the compound
a hazy blue smoke from cooking fires drifted like a low fog illuminating rays from
the sun as they penetrated through the trees and bounced off the exposed dirt
creating a velvety warm hint of moody light. The aroma of morning meals being
cooked wafted with the smoke. She would eternally love the mornings in this
village. Forested hills ascending across the background combined with low
clouds clinging to their heights created an idyllic setting.
Most days she would rise early enough
to hike the short distance where a natural overlook commanded a view of a handsome
valley where at the bottom, a meandering river tumbled and carved its way to
the sea. It was here she would start her day by penning her thoughts in her
journal.
Twice a day she would write, the
first one each morning and then again that evening to see if her morning thoughts
played out the way she hoped they would. On most days they never did. Today would
not offer enough time for her to make the climb to the overlook, so she transiently
jotted a few thoughts into her journal;
Going
home today. It will be a good day.
She had learned a great deal during
her tenure here, teaching and performing administrative work as an assistant
for two doctor missionaries, more here than any job she might have ever pursued
back in the states, but her time was coming to a close.
The morning was rapidly warming up, even now, so early, most
days always grew warm being about six degrees below the equator and as she
stepped into the sunlight its intensity grew even more. The staccato growl of
the airplane’s engines again filled the compound as the pilot sailed the Cessna
above the crest of the distant hill, then dropped quickly to circle the airstrip
sizing up the wind direction one more time before landing. Shading her eyes,
she waved at the airplane as it passed by and the pilot rocked his wings left
and right waving in return as it zoomed by. One final turn to line up his
landing angle the pilot allowed the Cessna to drift earthward crabbing to the
right just a little to compensate for the cross wind, then he expertly settled it
onto the grass gently bouncing a couple times on the rough texture before
slowing. He rhythmically gunned and throttled back on the engines to taxi
toward the end of the field. All the children, excited, waited there, but were
held in place by other adults. As the airplane rolled closer, they shouted in
unison, “Ian pailat loli,” (Pilot Ian Candy) in anticipation of the hard candy
treats Ian Logan always brought them during his biweekly visits.
Sharon
sighed and cast her eyes again toward the darkened confines of her bungalow. Reluctantly,
she stepped inside to continue packing her meager belongings. It would not take
long. She knew this day would find her, and even though she tried to prepare
herself for the inevitable, her emotions were not yet ready to let go.
An ex-Royal
Navy Search and Rescue pilot from Scotland, Ian Logan was a youthful looking
man forty-two years young. Strong, thin and fit, for the last seven years he was
one of the bush pilots in the area shuttling supplies and gear into the
backcountry along with assorted missionaries, teachers, doctors, and the
occasional journalist, tourist, or politician. He was the pilot who shuttled
Sharon into the area when she first arrived, and he had grown quite fond of her.
Some would say he was a great pilot
and although he would not consciously admit to it, he knew he was and could
have enjoyed a successful career in the military, but he chose to fly here,
where he was needed the most. As an RAF Search and Rescue pilot, he mostly flew
helicopters, but in many ways preferred fixed wing aircraft.
He allowed the 310’s engines to
idle and coasted to a stop about fifty yards from where the village children
and some of the adults were waiting. In one rush, they broke free of their
adult restraints and ran toward the airplane shouting with an exuberance that
bordered on mayhem. He quickly shut off the engines and applied the brakes.
It took a few moments to shut down
the flight systems, as he did so the children surrounded the aircraft and pounded
on the wings and began to rock the wings as best as their skinny little arms
would allow. Stepping onto the wing he cast a smile as wide as his shoulders
and waved at the kids.
“Loli, loli”, they shouted in unison, prompting
him to deliver the much-anticipated candy. Their shouts of glee warmed his
heart as he loved these kids more than he could rationally explain. He reached behind
the front seat and exposed a paper bag making the kids shout even louder, then
he tossed it into the air creating a mad scramble to catch it. Within seconds
the fifty odd pieces of candy disappeared into the mouths of the children. As they
ran off, he vaulted off the wing chuckling to himself and started to walk toward
the compound, when he noticed one smaller boy about four years old standing
alone with a sad expression on his face.
He
walked over to him and knelt to his level, “And what be wrong with you my lad?”
The boy lifted the now empty paper sack.
“Well now,
we cannah have that. Let’s see, I know, come on lad, I need you to help me.”
The boy
followed Ian back to the Cessna, “Let’s see, I have a bag of mail inside toward
the back someplace, but I cannah seem to reach it. Can you reach it for me?”
The boy
smiled and nodded easily hopping onto the wing and slid behind the seat. He
lifted a small black leather folder and handed it to Ian.
“Let’s
see, you know, I think there was a special delivery just for you in here.” Ian
began to rummage around inside the bag, then stopped, raised his eyes toward
the boy and smiled. “Awe, here it be.”
From
inside the case he lifted a small plastic bag that contained five pieces of
hard candy that shined red, blue, and green in the sunlight. He handed it to the
boy whose eyes grew wide with excitement, his brilliant white teeth sparkled as
a smile spread across his face. He all but jumped into Ian’s arms.
“Tenkyu
Ian Pailat.”
“What,
I was just deliver’un the mail twas all. Get along now. Join the others,” and
the boy leaped off the wing and ran off kicking up dust with his bare feet.
Sharon sat on the edge of her bunk
bed carefully placing into the soft carryon bag the last few things she would
take with her back to the States. The last item she inserted was her tattered bible,
a gift from her dad. Before she carefully placed it inside the bag, she opened
it and read again the dogeared note her dad had written to her.
For
you my special delight…with all my love…Dad.
She replaced the note and tucked the
Bible toward the middle of the bag. As she surveyed the cabin for anything she
may have missed, a tear welled up in her eye. She fought back the emotions that
gripped her heart as she audibly spoke. “Thank you for the best years of my
life…I’ll never be the same.”
Some noise behind her caught her
attention and she turned to see standing outside the entrance, a young girl with
a tanned face about five years old with golden hair that shined in the sunlight.
“Hi sweetie.” Sharon said with a
half smile.
The girl half ran, half skipped up
the steps and across the wooden floor then jumped into Sharon’s arms almost
knocking her down.
“Are we really going today…in the balus?”
“Yes, we are.”
A giant grin stretched across the
young girl’s face, “All the way to …Orh…a…gern.”
Sharon laughed at her broken pronunciation,
and they both giggled.
“Well, we have to get on an even
bigger balus, but, that’s right, all the way to Oregon.”
“How long we stay there before we come back
home?”
Sharon’s expression changed not having
figured out just how to tell her daughter that they would not be coming back.
“Well, Nicki honey, I don’t know.”
This small village in the Highlands
was the only home Nicki had ever known. Growing up here she learned not only
independence, but was isolated from the pitfalls of living in a modern society.
Heaviness pressed on Sharon’s heart as sadness and uncertainty infiltrated her
thoughts. Nicki, was the light of her life, yet because of her, fear penetrated
her heart, a fear born of unknown consequences her decision to return home
might have on her.
But, no longer could she live the
lie. Even though her mission here was a wonderful experience, and she understood
the divine nature of her assignment, no longer could she remain in this lost
corner of the world. She would have to face what lay ahead and as difficult as
that might become, in spite of her fears, she knew it was essential.
“Hey, girl, you two ‘bout ready.” A
red haired, freckle-faced, slightly over-weight young woman about twenty-five years
old, with a perpetual smile on her face leaned half way into the room.
“Almost ready Miss Sandy.” Sharon proclaimed.
Nicki ran over to her and Sandy
lifted her high off the ground and spun her around.
“We are going to have so much fun
on this trip and you know what?”
Nikki giggled and shook her head
side to side.
“Once we get to Oregon, you and me
are going to stay together for a few days until your mom gets all settled,
won’t that be fun.”
Nicki giggled again and gave Sandy
an appreciative hug.
Sharon also smiled and told Nicki to
run along and say good-bye to her friends.
“Sandy, what would I ever do
without you? You are the best.” Before she could finish, a series of tears
pooled under her eyes, slowly at first, then they thickened and followed the
smooth lines across her cheeks. After flowing a little, they lightly floated to
the wooden floor.
“Hey, hey, now come on, no tears
here. It’s not allowed. Don’t you worry about anything from here on out. Nicki’s
gonna be fine, and your dad and brother are gonna be fine, and you’re gonna be
fine, everything’s gonna work out just…”
‘Yeah, I get it, just fine.”
The two embraced then stepped
apart. Both sighed and gave each other half a smile. Both wiped tears away
before bursting out laughing to have happy tears start flowing again.
“I hope you are right Sandy. Dad
and Nathan, they will probably understand, well Nathan will anyway, Daddy
probably. It’s Matt I’m worried about. I should have told him.”
“Just leave it in God’s hands.
He’ll find a way to work on Matt’s heart,” Sandy tried to reassure her as she held
Sharon’s shoulders with outstretched arms.
“I hope so. He was rather
bullheaded at times.” She paused in mid-thought. Across the gap of years her
thoughts locked onto his rugged smile and boy-like appeal. She raised a small
picture of Matt from the top of a table next to the bed and stared hopefully
into the image. She drew a sharp sigh, “And then again, he could be rather
charming when he wanted to.”
“You two better hurry.” Doctor
Jason Alexander and his wife Alice stepped into the room. Jason was a tall man
approaching sixty years old standing over six feet tall, but he was thin almost
to the point of being gaunt. His salt and pepper hair cropped just above the ears
was otherwise rather unkempt and tossed and he had not shaved in two or three
days. His shirt was half tucked in and half hanging out of his worn and faded cargo
shorts. Alice on the other hand carried with her an air of perfection, always
well groomed, even living in the confines of this remote village. She wore a long-brimmed
baseball cap that was pull down low over her forehead with a loosely formed
ponytail protruding out of the size adjustment strap on the back.
Her white blouse was tied around her
still girlish waist accenting her youthful looking figure, even though she was
well into her fifties. Both of them were doctors who ten years previously gave
up a thriving practice in the states, Los Angeles, to provide medical
assistance to the people of the Highlands, a calling which had its roots anchored
to Jason’s WWII experience as a medic.
Sandy continued her half laugh and
half cry, then, gave Sharon and Alice another hug and as she left. Before
stepping out, Sandy reminded Sharon to hurry along, “See you at the landing
strip in little while.”
Alice turned to Sharon and recognized
the apprehension showing on her face. “You okay hun?”
“I don’t know. I hope so. Doctor
Jason, Alice I don’t know what I would have done if not for the both of you,
with Nicki and all. Most people would have…well, you know. Am I doing the right
thing?”
“That’s all in the past hun,” Alice
interposed as she gave Sharon a gentle pat across her shoulders.
Jason picked up a small framed
photo of Sharon and Nicki, “Just look at that beautiful child. You cannot tell
me she wasn’t meant to be born. There’s a reason for all this, a reason for Nicki,
a reason why you came here and why you must return home. It’s time to trust
your instincts. I for one believe you are doing the right thing.
He looked at the photograph one
more time and replaced it on the table. “I’ll never forget the day Nicki was
born and the look I saw on your face when you held her for the first time. Nothing
else mattered. Remember that feeling and that day. Use the love you have for Nicki
so you can share that love with your family. We both know it’s not going to be
easy, but you’ll be okay. I just know you will. You’re a strong person in so
many ways, and Nicki is a wonderful, resilient child, and never forget, every
single day, all of us will be praying for you.”
Sharon pursed her lips trying to hold
back the tears. Alice patted her on the shoulders after a last embrace. “Thank
you so much, both of you. I’ll never forget you.”
“Oh honey, we are the ones who’ve
been blessed because of you and Nicki. We luv ya both, and we’re going to miss
you so much.”
Tears now began to flow down
Alice’s face and she grabbed Sharon in a strong embrace. Both used their
fingers to wipe the tears away, just before Ian stepped into the room carrying
a small envelope.
“You people beat everything I ever saw.
I risk my life flying into this ragged little place, and not one word of
gratitude do I get. What’s a guy to do?”
Sharon began to laugh between her tears.
“Oh Ian, we all love you. You know that.”
“Be nice if just once someone said
so.” With those words, the four of them burst out laughing and Jason grabbed
Ian’s hand in a firm and powerful handshake. “Ian my man, in spite of what
everyone else says, for a scoundrel, I think you are almost the best pilot I
ever saw.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment…I think.”
“You better take it, cause that’s
about as good as you’re going to get around here.”
Ian laughed, “That’s more than I
normally get. All kidding aside, we best be getting off love. There’s some
thunderheads suppose to form between hear and Port Moresby this afternoon. We need to leave right away to miss them. Oh
yeah, by the way, here’s a telegram I picked up and brought with me. Didn’t
open it or anything but it might be in relation to those medical supplies you ordered
a while back.”
Jason received the envelope and
handed it to Alice without reading it. “We’ll meet you at the landing strip in
about ten minutes,” Sharon said as she headed out the door to say good bye to
some of her village friends.
He grabbed her single piece of luggage
and easily hefted it upon his strong shoulder. This all you got? Alright then,
let’s get along now…ten minutes.”
As he started to leave Dr.
Alexander stopped him. “All kidding aside, Ian, we’re going to miss you around
here. It won’t be the same, the kids are really going to miss you.”
“Well doc, I’m gonna miss you too.
But I need a break. It’s time for a change, and besides I’ve got a great
opportunity as part of an Air Evac team just down the road from Sharon.”
“Air Evac? What might that be?”
“I’m going to work with the
American Coast Guard. It’s a chance to get back into what I used to do, maybe
not so new, but this kind of program is something I’m ready for. I’ll be
working with the best military air rescue teams in the world. It will take a
few weeks to get back up to speed, but I’m looking forward to the opportunity.”
He hesitated before continuing, dropping his eyes as if searching for something
profound to say.
“You know doc, my calling here has been the
best thing I’ve ever done and I’ve learned a great deal about myself in the process.
Now its time to give some of it back, besides, the new pilot coming over will
do you a good job, and I told him to be sure and bring a bag of candy for the laddies.”
“Well, I for one feel better about
the girls making this trip with you along with them. You’re a good man for
doing this.”
Ian lowered his head and cast a
short grin across his rugged face. “You know doc. All I can say is there has to
be a reason for all of this to have played out the way it did. We may not see
it just yet, and I don’t know what it is, but I’m certain everything we’ve gone
through was for a purpose.
“Yeah, well, you got that right.
We’ll be praying for all of you, but just for us, you take good care those
girls you here. You are their guardian angel now.”
“I’ve been called a lot of names in
my life, but never an angel. You know, I kinda like the sound of that. All
kidding aside Doc. Don’t you worry about the girls. I’ll make sure they get
there safe and sound. That’s the easy part. It’s what happens after we get back
that worries me.
I love that young lady over there,
you know, like my little sister and Nickie, she’s like my own. I wouldn’t want
anything bad to ever happen to either of them and if anyone ever hurt that
girl…well, I think my kick-butt instinct would probably not be so forgiving and
might take control. When we get back, I’ll just be down the road a little ways,
and I will check in on her from time to time to see how she is doing.”
Dr. Alexander shook Ian’s hand again
and nodded his approving faith in Ian’s commitment to get her home. “You take
care of yourself too.” After Ian left the room the doctor turned to say
something to Alice, but before he spoke, he noticed a long and forlorn look on
her face.
“What’s the matter?”
She looked at him and said nothing.
She simply handed him the telegram. He glanced at it and saw that it was from
Sharon’s brother Nathan. It read:
Dr.
Alexander, please relay this message to Sharon.
Sharon,
our father died in an accident at sea a few days ago. Please return to
Winchester Bay as soon as you can. More details later.
Nathan
The doctor lowered the telegram and
closed his eyes and let out a deep sigh. “Oh no.”
Alice finally spoke. “Jason, we can’t let her
leave without knowing. We have to tell her.”
Jason stood shaking his head in
disbelief. “I know, I know. Good grief, why now of all times? Maybe you should
tell her.
“No, you should. You are the closest
thing to a father she has now.”
Before he could turn around, Sharon
returned to the bungalow.
“Have you seen my camera? I can’t
leave without my camera.”
She scurried about searching for
the misplaced item when she noticed Jason and Alice remained subdued and
silent. “What’s the matter?”
Alice step close to her, “Sharon
honey,” but she couldn’t finish.
Jason stepped in close to continue,
“The telegram was from your brother. I’m sorry honey, there was some kind of
accident…your father…”
Sharon grabbed the telegram quickly
scanning it before letting it fall to the floor. Her knees grew weak, and she ineptly
stepped to the edge of the bed to half sit on, and half off.
“Why...my God, why now. Why. I
don’t understand.”
Ian took one long jump to clear two
steps leading into the room. “Come along now lassie, we must be off.”
The doctor shook his head, “Not now
Ian,” and pointed to the telegram. Ian lifted it off the floor and quickly browsed
it. He dropped his shoulders and lowered his head with a genuine feeling of sorrow
for his friend. “Oh my…For the first time in my life, I don’t know what to
say…I’m so very sorry.”
Sharon held her hand to her mouth
then turned and unevenly smiled at Ian. “It’s okay Ian. I’ll be along in a few
minutes. I know we must go.”
“Take all the time you need love. The weather will hold for a while longer.” After saying those words, he turned and walked shaking his head toward the grass airstrip.
 |
| Internet Stock Photo |
Thirty minutes later Sharon sat
strapped next to Nickie in the rear seat of the Cessna and felt the bumpy
texture of the grass airstrip shake the airplane as they taxied toward the end
of the field. Sandy, although subdued by the revelation now haunting her
friend, sat with quiet expectation in the co-pilots seat next to Ian. After a
short pause, a loud roaring filled the cabin as the engines gained power. Ian
released the brakes, the feeling of being accelerated pressed across their backs,
more shaking with the grass field and the jungle speeding past the window, then
a sudden smoothing with an emptiness filling the pit of her stomach. It was an emptiness
generated less from the motion induced from their takeoff and more from leaving
behind the peace and harmony she had known here, to face an uncertain, and now
shattered, reality awaiting her. She closed her eyes, sighed with a heavy
breath followed by a single giant tear that arched its way along the lines of
her cheek, she in a breathless moment, said, “Good bye.”
