Chapter 7
Two Days Later
Group Coos Bay
Headquarters
North Bend, Oregon
Air Station
Board of Inquiry
Hearing
1430 Hours
“Master
Chief Adams, do you have anything further to add about the incident with the
vessel Marc Eagle off the Umpqua River Bar on the night and morning of January
12th and 13th,” Commander Mark Smith projected a final question
before final deliberations for the board of inquiry.
Chief
Adams glanced over to his legal counsel who nodded his approval, and then he slowly
stood. A soft light spilled across the
room through windows furnishing the smoke-filled room with a foggy mien.
“Commander Smith, I understand the
reason for this board of inquiry and as the commanding officer in charge of the
Umpqua River Station I take full responsibility for the outcome of the said
incident. However, in defense of BM1 Matthew Jacobs, who cannot be here because
of injuries sustained during the rescue attempt, I want to say,” his voice
broke causing him to slowdown, “…no finer crew could have manned the CG44303 on
that night. BM1 Jacobs has always and will continue to live up to the highest
standards of United States Coast Guard traditions. Because of his unwavering
devotion to duty and who has countless times demonstrated a professionalism
that exceeds all expectations, to hold him in contempt or to pass negative
judgement upon his shoulders would be a tragic mistake and a miscarriage of
justice.”
Chief
Adams stood erect for several more seconds as if to accent his statement and to
await a response from the inquiry board members.
“So,
noted. Thank you, Chief Adams. You may be seated. The board will recess to
deliberate our assessment based on the facts presented here today. We will
reconvene no later than 1600 hours.”
Commander Reese of the North
Bend Air Station walked up to Chief Adams, “Mac, these board of inquiries take
way longer than they should and are always tough, but they have to be.
Something like this must be investigated thoroughly to make sure nothing was
overlooked. The public demands it, the Coast Guard demands it. They will be
tough, but they will be fair.”
“Yeah, I know. It’s not the first time I’ve been through one of these, but this time it’s different. I lost not only the Marc Eagle crew, but two of my own crewmen and nearly lost Matt as well. They tend to frown on things like that. Frankly, I wouldn’t be surprised if they threw the book at me.”
“Not
your fault Chief. From what I heard nobody could have pulled off that rescue.”
“But we
really don’t know what happened. Matt can’t remember most of it.”
“Well,
there’s not much else you or anyone else can do except to wait it out.”
An hour later the main entrance
opened and Chief Adams legal counsel motioned for everyone to return. “They’re back
early.”
Chief Adams and the others filed
into the room and took their respective places. Once the room settled in, the
board members filed in.
“Attention
on deck.”
The
inquiry board members stood together for a moment then sat in unison. A few
seconds later, Commander Smith began, “It is apparent to this inquiry board
that what happened on the night of January 12 and 13 was an unavoidable tragic
event amplified by the near impossible conditions experienced on the Umpqua
River Bar, conditions that from all accounts far exceeded the design
capabilities of the 44 foot motor lifeboat. No clear fault can be ascertained
from the limited sources of witness testimony. The crew of the CG44303, in
spite of the near impossible conditions, in disregard of their own lives,
attempted to rescue the crew of the vessel Marc Eagle. Their bravery
exemplifies to the fullest degree, the Standard of Excellence upon which the
United States Coast Guard was founded. It is with respect and admiration, the
United States Coast Guard, the 13th Coast Guard District, Group Coos
Bay, and the members of this board convey the most, sincere condolences to the
families and crew members of the souls lost in this unfortunate event.”
Mumbled
voices rumbled across the room.
“Chief
Adams what is the status of the CG44303 and the CG44331 and of course BM1 Matthew
Jacobs?”
“The
303 is in drydock at Newport being refitted. Looks to be another three maybe four
weeks before she will be back in service. The CG44331 is now operational and
has been since January 14th. Matthew Jacobs is undergoing physical
therapy locally and has been placed on temporary administrative leave. His
progress is day to day, but reports indicate he is ahead of schedule, and could
be back to operational duty soon.”
“Alright
then. We shall close these proceedings and Chief Adams you are to provide
weekly updates on both the 44303 and BM1 Jacob’s progress to this inquiry
board.” Commander Smith slammed his gavel on the wooden table. ‘You are dismissed.”
Commander Reese crossed the room and stepped next to Chief Adams, “That’s about as good an outcome as you could asked for.”
“I
suppose so…I just hope we don’t have any more serious mishaps anytime soon.”
The Next Day
Rehab Center
“Time
for your walk young man.” Alice Jones was a middle aged rather heavyset lady
with dyed brown hair that failed to drop below her shoulders.
“Oh,
good grief nurse…can’t we wait another hour.”
“Nope. Now up.” She grabbed the
sheet yanking it to one side exposing his pajama clad legs. She extended her
hand to help him out of bed. Matt pushed her arm away, “I can do it myself. I’m
not a complete invalid.”
“Alright
then, go ahead. ‘Bout time you started getting off you rear end and doing
things for yourself anyway.”
“What was
that?”
“You
heard me…now up.”
Matt
rolled his eyes and rolled off the bed standing in one rapid movement. He
started to move forward, but the room began to spin and he stumbled with Alice
catching him preventing a fall. In a glacial like movement, he reached for the
edge of the bed. His head throbbed and he raised his hand to his forehead
touching the bandage that still protected the stitches holding his gash
together.
“Still
got the headaches.”
“Feels
like someone is using my head as an anvil.”
“Let’s
take a look at those stitches. Well, the wound is healing nicely. We’ll take
out those stitches in another day or two. So, do you feel up to walking, or do
you want to wait.”
“Yeah, let’s do it. Once I get to
moving, I’ll feel better.”
“We’ll
take it slow and will turn back whenever you are ready.”
Using a
combination of his legs and his arms pushing off the bed, he stood erect and
waited before moving forward. Using small steps at first, he started to walk, she
sliding beside him ready to catch him if he felt dizzy again.
“How’s
that feel.”
“Considering
my head feels like an over-ripe pumpkin, not too bad.”
“Just
take it slow. No need to hurry. By the way, you are going to have a new visitor
today.”
“Not another one?”
“Yes,
another one. You could try to be a little more polite you know, and besides,
you just might enjoy this one.”
“Well…who
is it?”
“You’ll
see.”
“Oh,
good grief woman, just tell me.”
“Nope.
It’s a surprise.”
They reached the end of the long
hallway where they would normally turn around.
“How bout we take a short walk
outside,” She suggested.
Alice
opened the door and helped Matt navigate through the narrow opening. He stopped
just outside, the air was still cool, but the sun was out for a change and he felt
its warmth fall upon his face. It felt like a change of seasons was upon them,
but he knew a day like this was but a tempting teaser for this time of year. The
moist aroma of pine scented fragrance crowded his senses as he took in a deep
breath. He closed his eyes and for the first time in several days there was no
spinning whirling around inside his head. Alice waited patiently for him and
when he opened his eyes, she smiled, “Let’s walk over to the gazebo and then
take a break.”
“Sounds
good.” A few steps later Matt said, “By the way, Alice, I’m sorry I’ve been
such a jerk.”
“Yeah, well, you have been, but…hey, I figure if my patients act like jerks, it’s because
I’m doing my job right, and that’s what I’m here for. Besides, I’ve grown a
liking to you so I’ve gotten used to it.”
“Thanks
Alice. You’re alright, most of the time.”
Normally
her smile was more rehearsed with most of her patients, but his words stirred a
warm feeling from a deeper part of her. Because of it, her smile possessed a
more natural flavor. Matt could tell the difference as he glanced over to read
her reaction. She followed next to him as they walked the forty yards to the
gazebo where he asked to sit for a while.
“So,
how’s that head feel now?”
“Hurts.”
“Any
dizziness?”
He
slowly shook his head no.
“Well, you did good. You’ve come
quite a ways in a short time.”
“A good horse doctors would have put me down a long time ago.”
“Ha,
Ha, Ha. You're not even funny. Listen, I’ve been doing this for a long time and from what I can see you’ll be
up and running in no time.”
The
bench was uncomfortable so he twisted his back and hips to change the angle of
his leg grimacing with each movement as the injured vertebrae in his back rebelled
against him. Once he felt more comfortable, he caught a shallow breath in his
cheeks and simultaneously blew out a relieved puff of air.
“Alice,
can I ask you question?”
“Ask
away.”
“You’re
a straight shooter and I need to hear it from someone who will tell it like it
is. What are people saying about the accident?”
She
paused for a moment, her forehead wrinkled with a frown, reluctant to answer.
“Well, Matthew…Hun, there’s a few hot heads out there who are angry about it,
but they don’t know much of anything. Some question the official account of
what happened. Some think the board of inquiry white washed it, swept it away,
maybe even covered up what really happened. Most folks are sad about it, but
understand how tough of a situation it was. Fisherman have died off these
waters before.”
“What
do you think?”
“Only
you would ask me for my opinion. Hun, don’t matter none what I think or what
anybody else thinks about what happened. My job is to make sure you get
better.”
“No, really, what do you really
think Alice, I want to know.”
She elevated her chin and shoulders
and held her thoughts as she inspected Matt’s questioning face. She could see a
void floating around inside of him, a dark place where a great many unknowns
haunted his thoughts. “You did everything you could to get those men off that
boat. What matters most is what you think and feel about it.”
Matt
did not respond at first, he just tossed a “fair enough” shallow nod in
her direction and stared toward the pine covered hills. He dropped his gaze
toward the ground as he leaned forward to place his elbows on his knees. “Alice,
I don’t know yet everything I feel except it’s not a good feeling. I can’t
remember everything. It’s all a big fur ball spinning around in my head. I need
something to grab hold of, something concrete where I can point to it and say
this is why it happened. No matter what questions I ask myself, I keep getting
the same no answer.”
Alice
listened with her mind, but her heart ached for Matt. She indeed had grown fond
of him and his anguish spun a web of compassion within her.
“I wish I had an answer for you,
but that is something you have to find for yourself. I can help you get physically better, but what is in your mind and heart, that’s something a lot tougher to mend.
I don’t think I can help much there.”
Some
movement caught her attention as someone stepped out of the building, stopped,
and searched across the compound. Alice patted him across his strong shoulders.
“…but here is someone who just might be able to.” Matt sat upright and stiffly
turned his head to see who was behind them.
“Sharon,” a single word surged
with a shot of emotion.
His vision narrowed to focus on her
as all other activity around them blurred. His heart soared. Her captivating appearance
at once stole again his heart. Her blonde hair lightly touched her shoulders,
longer than he remembered, but styled the same way brushed back with a natural
windblown look. Everything about her was the same. Her luminous blue eyes, her full
lips retained a lush fullness which accented her tanned complexion. Her face
was adorned with the soft delicate features whose prettiness had woven
themselves into the fabric of his world from the first day he laid eyes on her.
She wore faded dungarees with a white cotton,
men’s, button down dress shirt, whose collar was slightly turned up at the back
with the top two buttons unhooked. As though reluctant to approach, she
remained motionless as their eyes connected. She wasn’t sure how she would
react once she reconnected with him. So many emotions ago had passed through
her life and she was afraid both of having no feelings returned, or for them to
overwhelm and sweep her away.
As Matt stood, time slowed for him and faded
backwards to the last time they were together, the night before she left
Winchester Bay. It seemed so very long ago and he never forgot the look in her
eyes as she tried to hold back the tears before she left. In his heart, he understood
it was the right thing for her, for she desired more from life than what life
offered here. She could no more turn down the opportunity than she could deny
her faith, a faith that simmered as a flash point between them. It became something
he could never buy into. Hope of their having a life together ended on that day
as far as he knew, for she devoted her life to a new calling that held no place
for him in it.
Matt never fully allowed himself to
forget her though, and held a special place for her in his heart. It was a
place reserved for all time, but one whose doors he thought closed and locked,
where difficult emotions were stored as if inside a corked bottle, until now. He
grappled and fumbled within his heart’s desire to find the key to reopen those dormant
emotions.
“I’ll
leave you two alone.” Alice said in a whisper before she walked away. She had
known Sharon for many years before she had gone overseas and paused for a
moment as she passed by and greeted her with the two of them exchanging some
polite gratuities. “Go on, talk to him.”
With an
uncertain smile, she moved closer and with an uncertain voice, said, “Matthew.”
She extended to him a reserved, but warm embrace touching his cheek with hers,
one where he wanted to pull her close, but resisted, simply giving her a gentle
peck on the cheek.
“Can I
sit with you?”
“No one told me you were back.”
“Just a
few days, right after dad…well, I was here in time for the funeral. Nate let me
know about what happened.” After an awkward pause, she continued, “You look
good. I heard you had a rough time.”
“Well, that’s
what they say, I can’t remember everything that happ….”
Sharon
stopped him from speaking by placing her fingers across his lips. “Before we
say anything else, I want you to know I don’t blame you for what happened.”
He removed her hand to cradle it
firmly in his, “Seems I’m holding on to enough guilt to go around.”
“Now is not the time to rehash all
of that. It must have been a dreadful experience. I’m just glad you are
alright.”
He scarcely heard her words for his
eyes were locked onto hers. They searched deep into her soul looking for a way
to discover her feelings. Her eyes appeared familiar yet foreign. They were
still occupied with the same vibrancy he had never forgotten, yet they harbored
a new element within them, one of sadness. He desired to hold her close, but
could not compel himself to act on those feelings. A dormant delight simmered within
him. There was also a disturbing remembrance of having lost her once. These two
opposing forces faced off in a concealed internal warfare that fought for
dominance.
Sharon ingested a deep breath and
lowered her eyes toward the ground. She too struggled to reconcile suppressed
emotions, emotions she desired to rekindle, yet was fearful of. Even though she
had rehearsed over and over what she would say, she found herself subdued by a
lack of words and infiltrated with anxious desires. More from a fear her words
might come across the wrong way, she held off saying all of the things she
wanted to say. Thoughts of Nicki clung to her heart, but now she knew was not
the time, nor the place to reveal her to Matt. He was not ready, nor was she.
“How long you here for? Where are
you staying?” Matt broke the awkward silence.
“For now, a while. I’m staying with
Nate, but I got a Job at the Harbor office working with Pete so I’ll be getting
my own place soon.”
“I haven’t seen Nate since the accident. Not
sure what he is thinking, but I can only imagine.”
“Matt, you must give him some time.
Losing dad was a shock and took a toll on him and, well, to be honest he’s
angry.” Sharon took another deep breath and turned her eyes away avoiding eye
contact. “Nate’s a good man, but he is also a reactive person. Sometimes he allows
his anger to get the better of him. He just needs some time.”
Matt’s attention was distracted
toward the main entrance to the therapy building as Alice stepped into view.
She waved at him indicating he should come back inside.
“Well, Brunhilda Alice wants me
back inside. Can you…I mean, we do need more time to…”
“I know, but not now. I will
though. Soon. There is so much I need to say, but another time. I just wanted
to let you know I was back home and I was worried about you.”
Matt reluctantly agreed. As they
stood, Matt placed his hands on her upper arms. “Sharon…I, I’m sorry about your dad. I…tried…I
really…”
She stopped him with a light kiss
on the cheek. “I know you did. We’ll talk another time. I’ll see you soon.”
Then she walked away. He stood alone watching her until she disappeared around
the corner. By this time Alice was standing by his side. “We should go in now,”
she said.
Sharon
would stop by to see Matt every day after their first meeting for four days.
Most of their conversations were polite chitchat as both avoided addressing
more pressing concern’s they both held. Their time together was more like
getting reacquainted, than rebuilding their relationship. Nicki of course was
always on her mind, but the thought of revealing her to Matt, or to anyone for
that matter, was something she could not reconcile just yet. Finding the right
time, the right words evaded her.
For two days over the weekend, she
traveled to Eureka to be with her and Sandy. It was so difficult to leave her
behind when it was time for her to return and she cried all the way back. Nicki
grew more and more despondent not understanding why she could not be with her
mother and every night Sharon would call just to listen to her precious voice
and to hear all about her day.
“I’ll keep her as long as you need
me to, but she needs her mother and you need her,” Sandy finally confronted
Sharon who paused searching for the right words to say.
“You’re right Sandy. I don’t know
what I would have done without you.”
“Maybe it’s time to let everyone
know. Maybe you need this and certainly Nicki needs her mother back fulltime.”
“Soon…I promise. Real soon.”
