Chapter 11
On the Marc Eagle II
Matt
stopped at the top of the pier before moving on. Along its length were docked
three of the larger trawlers and a couple of the charter boats. Across the
harbor the tall poles of various commercial rigs split the air dividing the
harbor into neat pockets of picturesque scenery. Near the far end sat the ME II
across from the Midnight Sun. He could see Nate working on her deck. He looked toward
the sky whose texture was once again becoming dark and ominous. Along the top
of the nearby building, gulls were gathering along the edges, a sure sign the
weather was about turn worse. Approaching from the entrance channel the trawler
Harmony idled her way down the entrance channel on her way out. She was a
beautiful vessel, standing tall and proud, an iconic symbol of what was right
with her way of life.
He took
a deep breath before moving along the pier toward ME II. Under his feet the
pier swayed with each step and the boards, some of which were loose, creaked as
he placed weight across them. As he came closer to the ME II, Nathan did not
pay any attention to his arrival as he was busy securing gear. Matt stopped
next to the vessel, but Nathan kept working without lifting an eye.
“About
time you actually did some honest work for a change.” Matt spoke not actually
trying to be funny, but attempting to break the shaky lump from his chest.
Nathan
stopped working for a moment and looked at Matt but did not speak, made no
expression, he just returned to what he was doing.
“Well…permission
to come aboard.”
Nathan
with a reluctant nod and a wave bid him aboard. “How’s the bump on your head?”
“Hurts.”
“I
figured so.”
“Yeah,
well, you know how it is.”
“Just
wanted to thank you for all the cards and letters.” Matt sarcastically interjected.
“I didn’t send you any.”
“Yeah, so I noticed. You never were
one to get all mushy, unlike your dad who…”
Nathan interrupted, “My dad…really
Matt, is that where you want to go? He’s not around anymore now is he, so don’t
even try.”
“No, you’re right. I’m sorry, bad
choice of words.”
“Wouldn’t be the first time you
made a bad choice.”
Matt’s expression folded into an expression of frustration, “What is that supposed mean…oh, never mind. Maybe I should just leave.”
“Well,
yeah, maybe you should.”
Matt
hesitated before started to turn around, then Nate blurted, “No. Wait. I have
something I want to say to you.”
“Not all that sure I want to hear
it? Let me guess, you’re mad about what
happened. Is that it, Well, I have news for you buddy. I did everything I could
do to get to Jack. I just could not do it. No one could have. The bar conditions
were the worst I’ve ever seen. Sometimes the impossible is just not doable.”
“From what I hear, you panicked.”
“You weren’t there Nathan. Yeah, you lost your
dad, but I lost all of them. I almost died myself. You have any idea what that
feels like.” Matt paused for several long seconds breathing hard from the
emotional outburst. He and Nathan stared at each other, glaring, searching for
a way out. There was an empty coldness in his friend’s expression with an
accusing glare that pierced deep into Matt’s soul.
“It may not mean much now, but if I
could change what happened I would, but I can’t. I’m sorry about your dad, he
was my friend and his death haunts me every day. I thought we were friends
Nate. And right now, I could use a friend.”
“We
were…are. Ah crap. Matt I am angry, not just about Dad, but about…” he cut
short his statement throwing his head to one side realizing he almost broke his
promise to Sharon.
“What
are you angry about Nathan?”
“Knock
it off. How else would you expect me to react?”
“Maybe
like a man…or like a friend.”
Nate’s
anger boiled to the surface and he rushed toward Matt who did not move, he just
waited for the blow he knew was coming. Nate grabbed him by the front of his
jacket and started to throw a punch, but stopped short and held his clinched
fist outstretched to one side ready to thrust it into Matt’s face. For several
seconds he held his fist up, yet Matt refused to move or to defend himself. He
pushed Matt backwards who stumbled and fell. Nate
dropped his arm and took a step backward, “Get off my boat.”
Matt
remained on the deck for a moment, reached for a handhold to painfully lift himself. He
cast a vacant stare at his former friend’s face. It was a face torn with guilty
anger, one torn by his actions that had just ended a friendship. Matt turned,
stepped across the gunwale onto the pier, and started to walk away when he
stopped and turned toward his former friend.
“There’s a dark void inside me right now, like something has been wrenched out from deep inside and discarded. I don’t know if I can ever get it back. I don’t even know what it is for sure. I’ve never faced anything like this before. I’ve always been the one with all the answers, found the right solutions, I’ve made all the right decisions…until now. This void keeps growing and fills my gut beyond the breaking point and even hovers over me clouding my mind, syphoning away my strength and resolve. I can’t make it go away. It just keeps on haunting me like an evil specter. What remaining strength I have, what hope that still exists inside of me to reconcile that night just ended. I’m sorry Nate for putting you through this. I never meant for any of it to happen.”
Matt
did not wait for a reply, he just turned and walked away and as he left, a
figure moved behind the half open side windshield from inside the wheelhouse of
the Midnight Sun moored across from the ME II. Matt passed by paying no
attention as Hoke stepped from behind the opposite wheelhouse hatch.
With an acrid grin, he shifted his bloodshot
eyes right and left to watch Matt and to glare at Nate who now had his back
turned away from him. He leaned over the handrail pressing his massive bulk
against its cold surface and chuckled half aloud,
“Big mistake little man…and you
both are going to pay for it.”
